In honor of the jazz record that is almost universally loved by everyone even though all three members of the trio were on the verge of a physical altercation while recording, I’ll be dropping my picks here and sneaking in some jazz talk because bebop and bad beats just go together.
About Last Week….
Not an ideal week for me last week but with all the bad luck I’ve been hit with, hitting on two legs of your parlay is a step in the right direction. Your local sports book doesn’t accept moral victories but still. We’re just trying to build momentum. Last Monday I had a suggested parlay of Astros, Dodgers and Rays. I hit on Houston and LA but the Rays were playing the Red Sox which mean that, as usual., Boston had to fuck it up for everyone. The Sox smoked the (Devil) Rays 11-2 last Monday and sunk the parlay. I know me and the city of Boston have a long and tempestuous history and I will considered them blowing out the Rays the latest salvo in a long, endless war between me and the 617.
The parlay almost worked out but there was that NCCA Men’s final between Gonzaga and Baylor…
I took Gonzaga, along with a lot of bettors and it did not work out for ya boy. Maybe I was still high off of that Jalen Suggs buzzer beater against UCLA. I enjoyed tying off my arm and shooting that highlight into my veins like Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Charles Mingus and every other jazz musician did with heroine in the 1950s, but maybe I should have sobered up a little before I told ya’ll to go all in on the Zags. I can’t even say Baylor got lucky. They came out and smoked those boys from the jump. This is the best Baylor basketball team since Britney Griner led the women’s to a national title in 2012 all while secretly being in the closet because her coach Kim Mulkey is a crazy person who may be anti-gay and is fully anti Covid protocols. Maybe Mulkey is part of the Covid response team for the Vancouver Canucks.
But all that’s behind us now and we’re gonna break even with three games from the NHL, NBA and MLB since I’m not good at this college betting stuff, apparently. (Also I’m not betting on FCS football. I’m not down bad to be get action on Villanova.)
MLB
Monday — Milwaukee and San Diego over 6.5 runs
I get why the over/under is as low as it is. We have two starting pitchers who have gotten off to strong starts in their last few starts. The Brewers are starting Brandon Woodruff who has allowed 13 base runners and four runs in 17 innings of work and three starts this season. He’s going up against Joe Musgrove and you know what he did in his last start.
To along with the fact that he was one hit pinky toe away from a perfect game, Musgrove has been ballin in his other starts this season. He’s only allowed one run in his other two starts to go along seven hits.
It makes perfect sense that the O/U would be the lowest on the board for Monday’s MLB action but I’m not betting on a number that low. I’m not saying this game will go way over, but I’m betting on it hitting the over. With Fernando Tatis Jr. and Manny Machado back in the lineup I’d be more likely to bet on one of those two launching the ball to the Andromeda System and doing a cool strut/bat flip that will have Brian McCannn angrily throwing a book of baseball’s unwritten rules at his TV.
The Brewers also have some hitters who could put a few runs on the board with third basemen Travis Shaw bringing 13 RBI to the lineup. Shaw and centerfielder Avisail Garcia are also tied for the team lead with three home runs which is helping to make up for the lack of power early on from Christian Yelich.
This game probably gives you exactly eight runs but seven is betting on a pitcher’s duel in an era where pitchers don’t get past the sixth inning, especially in the National League. Take the under and sweat it out, you’ll get that eighth run eventually. (Also there’s no way McCann is going to realize in his fit of rage that the unwritten rules aren’t supposed to be written down in that book he just threw at his flat screen.)
NHL
Tuesday – Dallas -1.5 goals over Detroit
The 10-year-old version of myself is really excited for this matchup. The version of me that existed in 2002 is excited to come home from a hard day at that private school where he’s one of like three black kids and turn on ESPN to watch Mike Modano go up against Joe Sackic and Patrick Roy try to out-duel Chirs Osgood. 2002 was a very good year for Red Wings-Stars matchups.
But now it’s 2021, and the Stars have uniforms that look like they glow in the dark while the Red Wings are in the middle of one of the saddest tank/rebuilds in recent memory. Certain franchises are expected to be competitive year after year but in a world where you’re still waiting for Dylan Larkin to take that “next step” Detroit is looking extra sad these days.
The Red Wings are second from the bottom in goals scored with 102 this season and the only team beneath them is a team that played eight less games than them because THE ENTIRE CANUCKS FRANCHISE CAUGHT COVID AND THEY JUST PLAYED THIER FIRST GAME LAST NIGHT AFTER HAVING TWO WEEKS OFF. ALSO, VANCOUVER WILL HAVE TO PLAY A BUNCH OF GAMES IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME AND GARRY BETTMAN IS GOING TO HELL WITH VINCE MCMAHON AND ART BRILES FOR FORCING THEM TO PLAY THAT KIND OF SCHEDULE WHEN THE WHOLE TEAM IS RECOVERING FROM THE RONA. Sorry, I had to yell that part but forreal, no one would blame Vancouver if they looked a little slow considering everyone is recovering from a dangerous respiratory illness.
The point is, playing for the Red Wings is only a slightly better experience than you and all your teammates catching Covid and that doesn’t have me confident in a close game on Tuesday.
Take Dallas and their weird highlighter-inspired jerseys -1.5
NBA
Monday – Philadelphia +9 over Golden State
I don’t normally like betting on teams I’m a fan of but if the Warriors are going to keep disappointing me I might as well turn a profit off the misery. The Warriors have actually been pretty good against the spread as of late with a record of 4-1 in the last five games but I have concerns about their ability to cover in this one. I have concerns about the wear and tear that come with a west coast team heading out east for a road trip. I have a concerns regarding Steph Curry’s ankle that he rolled against Boston two nights ago. I have concerns about Joel Imbiid eating the Dubs alive in the paint when he realizes the biggest man available to guard him is Kevon Looney. I have concerns about the new and improved Tobias Harris making opposing wing defenders look silly. And I have the most concern about watching Kent Bazemore play basketball and yell “what the fuck is this nigga doing?” at my screen when I think I’m about to watch eight year NBA veteran not do something actively incompetent.
I know its not just his fault with the sloppy defensive rotation there but it just looks bad when you fall for the ball fake and run to the other side of the court while your man has the whole zip code to himself to hit an open three.
Draymond Green be pissing me off but at least when he misses an open layup I understand what he was trying to do. Green doesn’t mean to shoot like he has a back pack on but he can’t help it. Bazemore is making me want to apologize for all the Kelly Oubre Slander this season.
I expect the game to go like this: the Warriors will play it close somehow and may even have a lead early in the fourth quarter. Then the Dray is gonna shoot a mid range jumper with his book bag on, then Bazemore is gonna miss a contested shot while Curry is open, then he’s gonna foul unnecessarily while trying to steal the ball and it’s all gonna lead to a 12-2 run for the 76ers that concludes with I mbiid hitting a three pointer and talking shit as the Warriors call a timeout.
I’m betting on Imbiid having a strong game and Golden State not know what to do with him while Curry drops 36 points from a wheelchair. Take the 76ers -9 and count on way too much time being spent explaining that Seth and Steph Curry are brothers during the broadcast.
Money Jungle Chaser’s Anthem of the Week
For the most part we know what we like from a particular genre just like we know what we want from a certain type of food. I’ve eaten at enough taquerias to know what I want from my burrito and I’ve listened to enough jazz to know what I want from my sax player. But thinking you have the formula for what your ears want only enhances the experience when you find yourself enjoying something that falls outside of what you know you enjoy.
The first time I heard the above track it was on the way back from one of my random trips to Amoeba Music in the Haight-Ashbury. The teenage version of me was just as lazy as the adult version of me is so if I was going to do the inconvenient thing of buying a physical copy of a CD, at least an hour of research went into the decision. Then once I decided which album was worthy of the wrinkled $15 in my pocket, I’d sometimes call ahead to make sure the record store had it on stock so I could be in and out in less than five minutes.
But one day I decided to take my non-bike riding ass and my razor scooter down to the record shop to just browse the jazz section and see if anything from the artist name, to the album art caught my attention. Luckily for me, no one was really checking for this weird Branford Marsalis side project in 2008 because the record was on clearance for $7.99. I had no idea what I had just purchased but the cover art looked cool and because I didn’t know what year it was, I had my CD Walkman on me so I could see what the record had to offer as I scooted home.
When I first heard Breakfast @ Denny’s I instantly recognized it as one of the best jazz-hip hop fusions I had heard up to that point. It strikes a delicate balance where elements of both genres are present without one swallowing the other. You get the sample of Jay Leno, record scratches and the loop of the upright base to go along with Branford’s soloing. I had to hit the repeat button on my CD player a few times to make sure I wasn’t over-idealizing the dopeness I was hearing. With my high school play list jumping back and forth between underground rap and jazz, no single song better fit my musical tastes than this one.
Marsalis also solidified as a fashion icon by wearing all the Negro League Baseball apparel every created while waiting for the waitress to take his order.
Jam out to this on Tuesday and take all the money you win to buy yourself a throwback Kansas City Monarchs jersey to make early 90s fashion cool again.
Suits and 40s 