Message from The Money Team: Save your money next time

Mayweather throwing a punch while stealing money out the pockets of casual fans (AP Photo/Isaac Brekken)

Mayweather throwing a punch while stealing money out the pockets of casual fans (AP Photo/Isaac Brekken)

I got one question for those of you that paid $100 for the fight hoping Floyd Mayweather would finally take his first L in the ring: u mad bro? Because I would be heated if I spent that much money to see one of the most hated athletes of all time get knocked out and watched him avoid punches for 12 rounds while commentators gushed over his defensive skill. I laughed so hard at all the people who got mad that the fight turned into counter punch battle that it took me two weeks to get around to making fun of ya’ll in writing. But I have another question for the people that that thought this match up would end in some kind of dramatic knock out: what the hell did you expect? I completely understand if the casual boxing fan heard that Maywerather and Manny Pacquiao were two of the best in the sport and assumed that they were knock out artists. Or at least that they were gonna be busy throwing punches. But apparently there’s a bunch of people who spent money on this fight not knowing what Mayweather fight looks like. Who the hell casually drops $100 on something without researching what they’re getting? Really? In this economy you’re gonna pay for the most expensive PPV fight of all time and not watch the Mayweather defensive highlights on Youtube first to get an idea of what you’ll be watching? The hardest punch landed in that video when Canelo Alverez thought he was gonna go up top with right hook but missed and hit the ropes because Mayweather is from the Matrix and had already teleported to the other side of the ring. Did you not take a moment to remember that he fought Shane Mosley and put such a good defensive round that Mosley only landed three punches in three minutes? Did you forget that the last time we had someone who’s style seemed tailor made to beat Mayweather the dude lost twice?

To be fair, I thought Marcos Maidana’s style was built to beat Mayweather. Maidana uses a style that every body who’s ever been in street fight uses. When you’re in the club this weekend and a fight breaks out look at the wild over hand rights that get thrown. Those are Maidana punches. Every time I watch this dude fight I imagine he’s mad that someone stepped on his new white sneakers on the dance floor and he wants to get his licks in before the bouncers break it up.

The last words Broner heard  before he hit the canvas were probably

The last words Broner heard before he hit the canvas were probably “Watch where you steppin, cuz”

The fighting-over-scuffed-shoes-at-the-club style doesn’t work well with the precise defense technique of the Philly Shell and for a while in first fight it seemed like we were getting our first upset. The fight ended up being a majority decision win for Pretty Boy Floyd but with one judge scoring it a draw and the fight being the closest Mayweather has had in years, the rematch seemed like it was a good chance for that surprise knock out all of you guys wanted. And when Maidana got the rematch he wanted he got his ass whooped and reminded me of all the times I studied for a test by answering all the questions correctly on the study guide only to fail on exam day. The conclusion of the second fight made it clear that there was no one left for Mayweather to match up against that was going to challenge him in the way fans wanted. He had just defeated his biggest threat in years and it appeared that a match up with Pacquiao was something he was just going to shoulder roll away from. But I never lost faith in the super-fight. I knew it would happen because it was going to be lucrative It didn’t matter that booth fighters were five years past their prime.The hardcore boxing fan would watch it and the casual boxing fan could tune in, buy into the way-too-simplistic good vs evil narrative and hope for an arrogant man to be humbled. And as long as the casual boxing fan was willing to pay top dollar for a fight that everyone seemed to be talking about for years, The Money Team was always going to find a way to get the pay day. However, in order to get the pay day both fighters had to lie about how much action to expect in the ring. If the fight was ever going to go Pacquiao’s way it was going to be a lot of punches thrown, with Mayweather casually leaning up against the ropes in his Philly Shell shaking his head after ever flurry of punches he took trying to convince the judges and his opponent that nothing meaningful landed. And that would have been boring as hell, but it would have at least been entertaining for those who wanted to see a woman beater get beat. (On a side note, I’ve noticed that a lot of ya’ll seem willing to forget that the last big time fighter we cared about, Mike Tyson, was also accused of domestic abuse. But he seems like a really sad person who struggles with a constant existential crisis when he’s not starring in hit comedies so we like to give him the benefit of the doubt that we would never extend to Mayweather. A lot of people don’t really care about his abuse of women, they just don’t like how arrogant he is about it.) The thing that is amazing about Mayweather fights is that all his most dominant victories look the same. Its about two or three rounds of him feeling out his opponent and another nine or 10 rounds of counter punches and punches that land on his shoulder. If the fight is gong really well for Pretty Boy Floyd, his opponent gets frustrated and slows their punch out put because they’re tired f getting countered and/or can’t find an opening to land a shot of their own. The thinking with this match up however, was that Pac Man had the combination of power and speed to give him some trouble. And there is an outside chance that the fight could have been different five or six years ago when they were both in their prime but the result we got on May 2 was the result we were always going to get.

Hes laughing at ya'll for thinking he was gonna get hit at all during this fight

Hes laughing at ya’ll for thinking he was gonna get hit at all during this fight

For someone just looking at his record over the past few years it would appear that Pacquiao has fallen off harder than Lil’ Wayne did after he dropped the Carter III. But the loss to Timothy “Pillow Hands” Bradley can be credited to one of the most egregious scoring errors of all time. The late round KO from Juan Manuel Marquez was a fluke knockout from someone who knew him better than anyone he’s ever faced. So, his last three losses have been caused by two random acts of God, and an in ring encounter with the god of defensive boxing. The recent losses make it seem as though Mayweather took advantage of an aging fighter with a rapidly diminishing skill set. This narrative ignores the fact that Mayweather is fighting father time as well and that while Pacquiao was losing some of his speed and power Mayweather was losing his as well. Pacquiao, who has no problem throwing more than 800 punches in a fight, wasn’t defeated because he’s lost a step. He was defeated because, like many fighters before him, he just couldn’t find a way to land anything clean without opening himself up for a counter and only ended up throwing 429 punches landing just 19 percent of them. What the haters actually saw wasn’t the fight of the century. They saw the defensive boxer of the century put on a $ 100 televised clinic. If the viewing public wanted a fight where two fighters came out to throw bombs and murder each other then they need pray for Maidana to fight Lucas Matthysse some day. But thats not what Mayweather fights are. They leave casual boxing fans looking at the person with the most boxing knowledge in the room for an interpenetration of what they just saw. Its smart intellectual boxing thats so highbrow that you should have to watch it wearing a top hat and a monocle with a glass of wine in your hand while you gentrify a black neighborhood. Its the slickest version of “hit and don’t get hit” you’ve ever seen and if you didn’t know that beforehand you’re better off helping me pay my student loans than wasting money on a boxing clinic that you didn’t actually want to see.

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