If you thought heavyweights were boring don’t worry, Briggs is here.

If you’re casual fan of boxing you’ve probably never heard of Shannon Briggs and you’re probably wondering why somebody’s parents would name their son Shannon. If you’re a more devout fan of the sport you remember him as one of the many to lose to Vitali Klitschko. Well, Briggs has been out the game for a minute but he wants you, and the younger Klitschko to know that he’s back and in shape. And if you thought he was playing he will show up at your gym and let you know what time it is.

There are few highlights here:

-Wladimir has no idea who the fuck he is because Briggs has cut his stupid ass locks off since he returned to action

– Briggs isn’t there to train. He just wants to talk shit. And throw a shoe to prove a point.

-Briggs gets so animated with he’s saying that he has to be restrained and removed from the gym

-He looks ridiculous for yelling like he is but when he takes his shirt off (which will become a theme later) you can tell he is actually in shape.

-As he’s being pushed away from Waldimir he lets him know that he plans on stalking him (“Everywhere you go, I go”) and that if he wants to continue the conversation he’ll be outside.

That last note is really important. Because it turns out he wasn’t fuckin joking. This Ain’t no game to Briggs. He has nothing better to do. He’s the last fighter Don King managed that I have thought about in the past few years. And now that he’s knocked out two dudes so obscure they don’t even have pages on Wikipedia pages he’s ready to talk his way into a fight. Call him crazy but Briggs is a man of his word. And if you thought visiting someone at the gym was unusual, Shannon “The Stalker” Briggs is at your press conference doing calisthenics.

This dude is straight out of WWE with the way he comes in unannounced. I can almost hear Jim Ross saying “Bagwd! is that Shannon’s music? What’s he doing here?! Vince McMahon banned him from the building earlier tonight on RAW” (I’m not sure what his entrance music would be. Briggs is 42 so he may go with something old school, but “Momma said knock you out” is a little cliche. Maybe some Gang Starr? Or something from the GZA)

This may be the only time in history where someone shows up at a press conference and the two fighters who are scheduled to get into the ring want to team up and fight against someone else. I can hear Jim Ross again. “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. McMahon has just announced a triple threat match for the WBO World Heavyweight title.  We’ve got some combustable elements in the ring right now and its all coming to a head next week on RAW.”

But there’s a larger issue Briggs is brining attention to. The heavyweight division is damn near unwatchable right now. The last two fights Waldimir was in were just painful. Briggs is right, Waldimir is fighting bums in boring fights and the lighter divisions like welterweight and lightweight are getting more attention. If the economy rebounded tomorrow, people still wouldn’t have room in their budget to pay to see him fight. In an era where there aren’t too many people to get excited about, why not fight the old, loud mouthed stalker who can’t keep his shirt on? Briggs was also right about Waldimir’s last fight. It was boring and I watched it because I don’t love myself enough. The Ukranian got the easy knock out and all I could imagine is shirtless angry Shannon Briggs yelling at the tv trying to figure out where Waldimir would be next so he could yell at him and do push ups in his presence.  If Bernard “The Alien” Hopkins can unify titles at light heavyweight at the age of 49 (the nickname fits since no human being should be winning titles at that age and as long as we’re speculating on ring music the next B-Hop fight should have him walk out to this) then Briggs deserves to at least be considered for a title shot. If the shoe throwing, shit talking and press conference stalking is any indication how the fight will go,I hope Briggs does some Ric Flair type cheating just so Jim Ross can call the action. “Oh no the referee is out. Whats Briggs looking under the ring for?! The ref is out and there’s no one to stop Briggs from using the steel chair!”

If we can’t get Mayweather-Pacquiao we’re at least owed a Briggs-Klitschko fight just because the press conferences would be the most entertaining thing to happen in the division in 10 years.

 

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