I normally don’t use this blog to talk about the failings of my personal life but I’m going through a pretty tough break up right now. I mean, I’m not sure if I should part ways or…fuck it I’ve been down this road before. We’ve been going through the same bullshit of going all the way since I was 11. At a certain point they’re supposed to give you what you want and put out, right? I feel like an asshole for not wanting to wait any longer but…how many goddamn time can this Sharks team led by Patrick Marleau and Joe Thorton make it to the playoffs and not put out with at least one Stanley Cup Finals appearance? And then they have the nerve to drop four straight games while up 3-0 to the kings. I’m thinking its time time to move on from this relationship.
How long can I sit here listen to this bitch make excuses about how they’ll be ready next year and tell me to be patient. “Its okay, we’ll get that goalie who we couldn’t score on in 2010 who played with that really good Blackhawks team and we’ll ride him to the finals.”
Yeah, and the Antti Nieme gets benched in game 6 after getting pulled from games 4 and 5 because he and every defensive pair playing in front of him decided to play traffic cone defense.
And remember that time they brought in Martin Havlat to be a goal scorer? I don’t care how good his wrist shot is, I ain’t never heard of sniper so good he could score goals from the bench. Homeboy stays injured. He’s never played the full 82 game schedule and he hasn’t played in more than 70 since coming to San Jose. And while the Sharks were producing the third most painful loss in Bay Area history (The game we never speak of is second on the list and losing Mac Dre is obviously first) he managed to limp on the ice for one game and produce a plus/minus of -1. Yeah, not what we had in mind when when you signed you to that lucrative deal. I just know Havlat and Derrick Rose are seeing the same doctor.
But its not really the on ice talent I have an issue with. Its theses fat ass contracts put together by GM Doug Wilson that keep the same core players together for the long term. They’ll fire coach Todd Mcllenan but it won’t make any difference. They’ve gone through three coaches since 2002 with different levels of talent and have made it to the third round once. The next coach (insert generic Canadian name here) is going to come in with high hopes. I’ll reevaluate my relationship and tell myself that this time it’ll be different this time. “Maybe I won’t get my heart broken April again. Maybe we won’t score on ourselves in OT again. Maybe we can actually score on Jonathan Quick when it counts”
Also, I am sick and tired of hearing about how good this Kings defense is like it some big fuckin surprise every year. Like Logan Corture is forced to shoot from a bad angle and says “Damn, I thought I’d get a better shot off than that.” Well, surprise mothafucka the Kings defense has been good every year for the past five years. Its hard to score on them. Don’t get surprised by snow in the winter and do be surprised when the Kings only allow you to score twice. (Courture had a goal and two assists in this series but the highlight was him exposing Mike Richards as blind because apparently he wasn’t trying to see these hands. )
But the coach won’t make a difference. There is no radical strategy to fix a team that is built to disappoint. But I still want this coach fired. I want Wilson fired, I want the team destroyed so they can win no more than 30 games next year. I need a team that is so bad they can’t even get my hopes up to disappoint me.
And thats why its time for me to take a break with my relationship with the Sharks. I need some time to figure out who I am as a hockey fan. I may even try to play the field a little bit. I hear the Pittsburgh Penguins are looking for bandwagon fans to hook up with on their way to the finals. But the long term option that really looks good is the Winnipeg Jets. Why the Jets? If you look at the roster it’s pretty clear that they are the official hockey team of civil rights. The Jets are by far the blackest team in the NHL. Not only do they have not one, but two, black players they even got Devin Setoguchi who looks like he’s Asian or something. (If his team mates don’t call him Gucci Mane in the locker room they need to start. Imagine Setoguchi scoring and hearing this while the goal horn sounds in the background and bunch of drunk Canadian hockey fans with lean in their cups chanting “Bricksquad” and saying “BURR” at the top of their lungs)
So, until the Sharks decided to rebuild for real instead of putting the team on the ice that should win but never actually does, I’m officially breaking up with the Sharks. In the meantime you can catch me in the streets wearing my Evander Kane Jersey rooting for a team that is actually trying to build a winner from the ground up while bumping songs from Trap House III in the whip to support of Devin “Gucci Mane” Setooguci.
But I’m a sucker for love so I’ll probably be back to my abusive relationship with the Sharks in October. Even if I do end up outside the SAP Center sounding like this guy.